Monday, December 04, 2006

This morning I awoke to the ringing of the phone:

"hi miss heather, my kids missed the school bus, and you know our power's been shut off so they can't stay at home, it's just too cold in the house, so could you please drive them to school?"

When I got home from taking the kids, and hearing that it was one of the boy's 10th birthday, and he had to spend the night with no electricity, there will be no cake, no presents, and no general 'fuss' over him from his mom, I poured myself glumly onto the couch and just sat there. I think that just stinks.

Rob came out and seeing me, said:
"are you okay? what are you doing?"

To which I responded:
"I'm not very happy about all this, so I'm telling the Lord how I feel."

As I was doing so, The Lord brought to mind a snippet from one of the Salvation Army Songbooks, so I went in search of it. This is what it said:

"I bring to Thee my heart to fill;I feel how weak I am, but still, to Thee for help I call."

"I've little strength to call my own, And what I've done, before Thy throne I here confess, is small. But on Thy strength, O God, I lean, And through the Blood that makes me clean, Thou art my all in all."

And where I cannot see, I'll trust, For then I
know Thou surely must be still my all in all."

Where I cannot see I'll trust - isn't that the 'deal' with this entire spiritual journey?

In this case, I have to trust that God loves this family a billion times more than I do and He wants the best for them, and is already moving and working on their behalf.

So even if I can't see Him working in the heart of my little birthday boy in the van on the way to school, if any of what we're doing here means anything, I simply must trust that He is.

Moments like these - which are frequent - remind me of my human-ness and inability. I must lean on Strong Arms if I want to love like He does.

I must pause for "fill-'er-up" heart moments throughout the day, and continually be mindful, that He doesn't need me or else it will all fall apart.
Oh no, it's not like that at all.
The King of Kings has invited me in to this great mystery of love, both vertically and horizontally - up to God and out to Man.

Bottom line for me - is that even though my heart is broken. Broken. Loving 'round here, and it's painful and confusing for me to see the reality of the lives of my wee friends and their families, my truth is that I'd rather have my eyes open to it all and be a part of it, not matter the inconvenience and personal discomfort, than to have never set firsthand eyes on any of this suffering, and be less of a woman - and less of a Christian - for it.


Aurora said...

God is working in you and through you...the simple fact that your neighbors know they can call you when they need stuff like a ride to school, or use your laundry line, or basketballs, or whatnot is all a sign of them giving you their trust.
And the simple fact that you went running to Jesus when you knew you were struggling with something shows how you can get filled up again after being poured out. (Something I tend to forget to do) Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us, and your life with them! Much love, sistah!

Kathy said...

You always word things so beautifully. Thank you.